With Mother’s Day this Sunday, Barbara (Knight) Murphy has had even more to be grateful for than most after the son she gave up for adoption years earlier located his birth mother living in Westby and the two of them developed a bond which was broken for over five decades, but is now on the mend.

At 19 years old, Murphy, now 77, found herself pregnant, dating a man who wanted no part of having a child, caring for a father who was dying of cancer and feeling less than love from a mother who was convinced that adoption was the only answer for a young woman who found herself ‘in trouble’.

The year was 1950, a time in history when having a child out-of-wedlock was frowned upon. Murphy was living with her parents in Aurora, Illinois. Her mother worked full time to support the family after her father was diagnosed with incurable cancer and living on borrowed time. After high school graduation Murphy remained at home to care for her father, while her mother worked two jobs.

Murphy didn’t have much time to socialize between helping out at home and her own outside employment. She was young, met a man, thought they were in love and realized after it was too late that she was in love alone when Murphy learned she was pregnant and the father of the baby packed up and left town without her.

Murphy was alone and had very little family support for her situation. She wanted so badly to keep the child and raise him on her own, but with constant ridiculing by her mother and no financing to afford to care for a newborn child, Murphy agreed to place her baby up for adoption.

“That was the hardest decision I ever had to make. I just had to believe it was best for the baby to be raised by a family who could afford to care for him when I couldn’t,” Murphy said.

Until recently, state of Illinois adoptions were closed agreements, which for Murphy meant once she signed the adoption papers, she could never reopen the case and would never be able to find her son.

“In the 1950s your doctor handled the adoption of a baby. I remember the nurse telling me to be sure before I signed the paperwork, because even if I married a millionaire down the line I would never be able to get my baby back or even know where he was once my signature was on the adoption papers,” Murphy said.

Murphy will never forget the time she spent in the hospital when she gave birth to her son. She was alone and scared to death. She suffered the pain of contractions, but the hurt she remembers the most is when the nurse handed her the baby all wrapped in a blue blanket just long enough for her to touch his cheek and give him a kiss before removing him from her life forever.

“I never got to tell him I loved him or even say goodbye. They just kept me in a storage room surrounded by filing cabinets and a window for three days after I gave birth. I didn’t get to be in a hospital room with the other mothers or ever see the newborn babies. I didn’t have a television to watch or people to talk to. I lay in that bed for days with no visitors, not even my family. All I had was my thoughts and at that time I wasn’t feeling too highly of myself. I wouldn’t wish that seclusion on anyone,” Murphy said with tears in her eyes.

Once Murphy was released from the hospital there was no turning back. Life had to go on, but a piece of her heart would always remain with the son she gave birth to, but someone else rose.

Murphy remained in Aurora where she soon met John Murphy, the man she would marry one year later and spend 44 years with before he passed away in 2004. Barbara Murphy’s life was full. She had a loving husband, four beautiful daughters and eight wonderful grandchildren. They had good jobs, made decent money and loved to travel. Their travels brought them to Wisconsin, where they purchased land near Avalanche, built a retirement home and lived for 30 years, until Barbara moved to Westby after John died.

As full as Murphy’s life was, on July 1 she would wish her son a happy birthday in silence. During holidays she prayed he was happy and healthy. But, deep down she always wondered if he ever found out about his adoption, how he would feel about the mother who gave him away.

That day came on July 31, 2006, when Murphy received a letter from a confidential intermediary appointed by a court in Cook County, Illinois, inquiring whether Murphy gave birth to a son on July 1, 1951 and placed him up for adoption.

Murphy couldn’t believe what she was reading. She thought it was a scam. All she heard in her head over and over again was the nurse telling her if she signed the adoption papers it meant forever. After visiting with her pastor she contacted the Vernon County Unit on Aging and asked for assistance. With help she learned the letter was legitimate and that her son had spent thousands of dollars searching for her. As scared as Murphy was she was also curious. Her motherly instinct needed to know what became of her son so she contacted the intermediary.

On September 13, 2006, Murphy received a 15-page letter from her biological son, David Mitchell. Her prayers were answered when she learned that he had grown into a loving husband and father, he had a good job, a strong religious following and was a productive member of society.

“I re-read that letter 25 times and cried like a baby every time. The nurse who took David from my arms promised me he would be well taken care of. She didn’t lie. He’s grown up to be a well-respected human being with a loving heart,” Murphy said.

As elated as Murphy was to receive David’s letter, she tried writing back 100 times, but every time she picked up the pen it fell from her hand. The entire event was so traumatic for Murphy that she couldn’t get a grip on her emotions. She was petrified to tell her daughters about their brother and worried she wouldn’t live up to David’s expectations if they met.

“I fretted for days wondering what my daughters would think of me for not telling them they had a brother and that I gave him up for adoption. I was so worried I shut myself off from the rest of the world for days trying to make sense of what was happening,” Murphy said.

Finally after weeks of self-contemplation Murphy picked up the phone and called her son. In October of 2006 he drove to Westby and met his biological mother face-to-face. For Murphy and Mitchell it was like looking in the mirror. He had her nose and her eyes, but most of all he had her heart from the moment they met.

Mitchell and Murphy spent hours talking and rekindling a relationship they never had a chance to build. They talked about life and choices, both good and bad, that they’ve made in their lives. Mitchell thanked Murphy for giving him life, during a time in her life when abortion would have been a viable alternative. Murphy thanked Mitchell for calling her Mom and for searching for her when he could have left well enough alone. The emotional meeting provided answers for both of them and opened a door for Murphy, which she thought was forever closed.

Mitchell never learned he was adopted until the mid 1990s, when his uncle told him the truth. According to Mitchell he needed a copy of his birth certificate to obtain a passport and when he asked his adoptive father for it he became agitated. Although he provided him with a legal document, Mitchell still had questions, but let the subject rest until years later when he was finally told the truth after his father died - a truth that to this day remains an unspoken secret between him and his mother.

Deep down Mitchell always had a suspicion he could have been adopted, but never any proof.

“My dad was 5’4” tall and my mom was 5”1” and both of them had small features. I’m 6’2” tall and 200 pounds and the family resemblance just didn’t exist. That always raised a red flag, but I never pursued it,” Mitchell said.

After learning he was adopted Mitchell began searching for his biological mother, a process which took years to accomplish, along with thousands of dollars and plenty of contacts. He tried not to have unrealistic expectations, instead he just hoped that the outcome would give him with a chance to meet his mother, thank her for giving him birth, and provide her with the opportunity to be a part of his life and the chance to get to know his wife and their three children.

Mitchell has never been bitter about being adopted. He assumed Murphy was young and couldn’t afford to raise a baby. He was raised by a good family, who Murphy would learn later were also good friends of her pregnancy nurse. He’s come to know and love his newfound sisters, with most of them living within 30 minutes of his home in Geneva, Illinois.

Murphy and Mitchell continue to develop their relationship, a relationship that Mitchell went into with his eyes wide open and still loves what he sees.

Murphy is proud of the man who calls her Mom and although she will always feel some regret for not raising her son herself, she will forever be grateful to the family who adopted him and groomed him into the wonderful man he is today and provided her with three more loving grandchildren.