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 Home > Opinion > Story

Published - Thursday, July 03, 2008

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Lessons from life: The Garage Sale Guerrillas

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The security of our country would never be in doubt if the garage sale Guerrillas were in charge. They come with different strategies, but their mission is the same—seek the best bargains, negotiate the lowest prices and slip away, the next destination in their sights. A good friend and I recently had our first garage sale. On a bad day, our military could not be as efficient as the units that descended my driveway perfecting their weekend maneuvers.

Some cruise by like stealth aircraft, scoping out the landscape, hoping to be undetected. They are on an assignment, and they want to make sure the stop will be worthwhile before negotiating the U-turn at the end of the block. Others are on a reconnaissance mission, comparing this sale with others in the area. Some are new recruits, not sure they're ready to enlist into this division of dealmakers. A few will pull up, throw their car into park, and leave it running, ready for a quick retreat. Some simply yell from the street—single-minded in their focus. "Hey, do you have a refrigerator.” he asked. Both of us, well into our 50s, chuckled at the image of us positioning a refrigerator for sale. "No", we replied, and off he disappeared.

People from the neighborhood were plentiful. "Just out walking the dog,” they all said. Sure they were. The dogs, specially trained to negotiate table legs, avoid contact with children and sniff out the best deals, served as a cover that allowed their owners to infiltrate, because certainly, they didn't shop at garage sales. All except the pesky Pomeranian who decided to lift his leg and mark his merchandise. The pooch apparently failed lesson number one in garage sale etiquette.

But none can inspire my confidence in their ability to serve and protect like those who come in packs, each one after their own treasure. With the authority of a SWAT team on an exercise, the van came to a stop. In sync, every door opened and anxious adults made their way to the driveway. Five in all. Of special interest was the man who unfolded himself out the back lift gate, his head cocked and his chin tucked to his chest never losing interest in the cell phone conversation. Was he getting the latest command or simply catching up with a friend?

One set off in the direction of the crystal; another was disappointed the golf clubs were already gone. The third picked up the extension cords and tossed then back in disgust. Apparently, 50 cents was not the deal he was looking for. Then, with the swiftness of newly deployed troops, they spotted Rudolph—smiling and looking as cheerful as ever, red nose a-glowing. "How did she even see this" the driver asked under his breath as he held up the wooden lawn ornament. We wondered the same, since our marketing skills had him facing away from the street.

And so the two day sale went. We had fun observing the dynamics of the human spirit in hopes of finding a great treasure. My favorite was the woman who loaded up from the free box, then tried to negotiate on a dollar item; or the people who tried to bargain in the first hour of the sale. I loved the child who looked carefully before spending his quarter.

And when all was done, the boxes packed, the tables put away and the money counted, I hung my American flag. It truly was a patriotic experience.
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gsalewhiz wrote on Jul 2, 2008 12:22 PM:

" a good way to reduce (get rid of) house hold clutter, is to have a donation sale!! find a non-profit organization of your choice, and donate all proceeds from your sale to them. Make it a worthwhile cause for everyone! We don't even price most items, just let people donate what they want, and presto! the Charity benefits, you benefit, win win!! "

Scared at rummage sales wrote on Jul 2, 2008 11:52 AM:

" I know where you are coming from. Some of the these people have this down to a science. Of course I'm the type whatever hits my fancy. It is fun to go to these sales and watch people. "


The comments above are from readers. In no way do they represent the views of the Westby Times.

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